How to Handle Valentine's Day in a New Relationship

Edited by Martha Kindrel, Talon Haut, Bobby Dunning, Flickety and 8 others

Valentine’s Day for new couples may feel as awkward as a 10 ton gorilla doing ballet, given that your feelings for one another are very new and it's early days yet as to where you're headed. Whether you’ve been on only one date or have been seeing each other for a few weeks, the dreaded red-hearted holiday can make even the most confident dater feel insecure about how to approach the holiday and what to do.


While you may feel like a fish out of water, you can make it through Valentine’s Day unscathed and with a bright future with your new guy or gal intact.
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Steps


1Take a collaborative approach to the holiday. Unfortunately, you're going to have to lay your cards out on the table with regard to Valentine’s Day. If you don’t discuss the holiday and leave it to chance, someone is bound to end up with hurt feelings or feeling completely uncomfortable. If you’ve only been on one date with the other person immediately before Valentine’s Day, discuss it during the date. Keep the conversation light and funny, perhaps joke about what you might do together on the holiday, like see a movie or go to lunch. Other ways to communicate without having the conversation become awkward include:
Ask the other person what they think of Valentine’s Day. Some folks actually despise the holiday, referring to it as a “Hallmark” holiday. It might be a good idea to even take the other person’s temperature about how they even feel about it before pursuing a date on the day.
Discuss the fact that you’ve only been dating a short time and that you're both now confronted with a highly romantic holiday. Be honest about how bizarre it is to begin a new relationship as other couples are declaring their love from the rooftops. Let the other person know that you get the fact that both of you may not be ready just yet for poems and love songs.
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2Decide if you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all. You may want to just treat the day as if it were any old day and not exchange cards or even go to dinner. Take your cues from the other person too; if you are determined to have that romantic dinner but your new honey is a little sketched out about dinner for two, back away so you don’t scare the other person away.


3Formulate a Valentine’s Day plan if you do decide to go ahead with it. Unfortunately, the element of surprise for new daters should be delayed until you both know where this relationship is going. That being said, you should enjoy the holiday together, but on your own terms. Some thing to consider include:
Gifts. Traditionally, couples exchange some form of gifts on Valentine’s Day ranging from “love coupons” to expensive jewelry. While an old married couple may know what type of gifts each other likes (and how much to spend), newbies are at a significant disadvantage. Instead of flying blind, establish what types of gifts (if any) are appropriate to exchange and how much you can spend. There’s nothing worse than one person spending hundreds of dollars on a dozen red roses from an upscale florist, while the other person picks up a $25 gift card to the GAP as a gift. Moreover, you may not feel prepared to shell out a few hundred bucks for a dozen roses. Treat Valentine’s Day like any other holiday and establish rules about what you can get each other, how much to spend and when to exchange (if at all). One idea is to find tacky or silly gifts and see who gets the best (or silliest) gift. Taking a light, humorous approach to the holiday may help you feel more at ease.
Identify where you will exchange gifts. If you plan to exchange, designate an appropriate time and place. While doing this may suck the romance out of the day, having a common understanding may possibly help one of you becoming red-faced about a flower or fruit basket delivery at work. Of course, if you're both feeling adventuresome, you could establish that anytime, place or day is within limits.


4Establish Valentine’s Day activities. If you decide to spend the day or evening together, plan activities that you're both comfortable doing. As with any date, choose a time and place that fits into both your schedules. Also, some new daters like to go the non-traditional route and opt to hit a punk rock show instead of having a quiet dinner for two. In fact, it may be easiest to do something energetic and not too suggestive of deep intimacy at this stage of your relationship; that's up to you.


5Collaboratively determine how to handle questions from friends or family. No matter whether you're 15 or 50, some people in your life always want to know more about your love life, especially your plans for Valentine’s Day. Determine if you plan to act coy or divulge plans to everyone. Or simply brush off their inquisitiveness with a glib reply about it being too early in your relationship to go overboard yet.